By John Sheda
Well Santa, here I am again. You always get my letter with all the things I want for Christmas. But to be quite honest, your batting average, (ratio of my requests to my receiving), is not "hall of fame" material. Didn't get the new Corvette last year, or the year before or the year before that. Didn't get that perfect swing for golf I asked for last year. Nor did I get that XK..HITITAMILE driver I wanted. I did get the lump of coal once again, but like I keep telling you letter after letter, I don't burn coal, so please stop sending this to me. Anyway, since my previous letters aren't getting through to you very well, I decided this year to go a completely different direction. Since I turned 60 this past year, it's probably time for me stop asking for material stuff, so this year would you please just explain a few things to me? Ok?
First Santa, what is it with the world of politics? As children in elementary school, we were taught to "treat others like we would like to be treated" right? That's the golden rule. It's in the book!! But it seems the people trying to get our vote for the highest offices in the world are downright mean to each other. They won't hardly sit down together and discuss things in a mature and respectful fashion but resort to going to all the news shows and saying all sorts of negative and derogatory things about each other. It's a shame! And as long as I'm in the political arena Santa, why can't our elected politicians throw out their respective party affiliations and do what's right for "we the people?"
Secondly, Santa, could you slow time down just a bit. The days, weeks, months and years seem to be flying by way too fast. Monday gets here and before you know it, it's the weekend and then the weekend is just a blur. What in the world happened to the last twenty years? I'm a grandfather for the Lord's sake! And I never thought it would happen but I've been married to a grandmother for twelve years now. Impossible!
Thirdly, can you please explain Pro Wrestling to me? I have tried to watch it. I really have. I just don't get it. Oh, speaking of explanations, how about some kind of explanation of Donald Trump? What is the matter with this guy? Do people really listen to him or care about what he thinks? Maybe Mr. Trump and pro wrestling should get together. Perhaps then I would understand both.
Finally Santa..........I know not everyone will be in favor of this request, but could you bring us just a little snow for Christmas. Maybe just an inch or two. Now, don't go overboard on this. Just a little bit, ok?
Your old friend.......Johnny.
"Dear Johnny, thank you for the nice letter. It was refreshing not to read all the material things you wanted for a change. From the time I got you that 26 inch Schwin 3-speed bicycle way back in 1961, you have constantly pestered me for more and more and more. This year I really enjoyed reading your letter but I really have no good answers for you. You see, Johnny, I am Santa Claus. I live in the North Pole with Mrs. Claus, a bunch of reindeer and a whole passel of elves. We spend the whole year trying to find out who's been naughty and nice. We make toys. We deliver toys. That's it.
If you wish to get any answers from your questions, please next time start out by writing........DEAR GOD!!!!! Because to be honest, I actually thought professional politicians and pro wrestlers were one and the same thing. And I have nothing to do with snowfall. Or time. Love, Your Friend, Santa."